A ‘Vida Loca’

When you think about the meaning of life, wondering and wandering through all the possibilities, has the train of thought to peruse it’s definitions ever crossed your track?

A simple Google search and we soon find that there’s more to life than often defined.

The first explains life as the condition that distinguishes by capacity for reproduction and growth. I wonder about the ego. If we refuse to be wrong and let go, do we then lack the capacity for growth? Like muscles that need stretching, tearing breaking down to build back up again, does our living cramp up and our choosing feel strained? Where is our life when we are without change?

The seconds tells of an aspect of existence, which makes me wonder about “sitting on the fence” between active living and survival, between the past and revival, between dreams and reality, and what is and could be. If  we’re sitting, waiting, wishing, for things to go without say or manifesting our destiny by our choices and creating reality, don’t we have a life either way? Aren’t we questioning morality and determining quality of life?

Plus, with the third description of energy, vigor, and vitality, and with the fourth declaring a biography, isn’t it plain to see that that we should be actively working at our well-written existence?  Is there something better than philosophy?

The fifth and sixth definitions teach of reincarnation and second chances, which makes me wonder about the abilities we have to make incredible advances. If we can re-imagine our creation away from true divination, can you imagine the enhancements we could make on someone’s spiritual circumstances if only we took advantage of the life we hav been given? Isn’t it awing what we can do with what we put our hearts to? What difference would there be if the focus shifted from “me” to “you?”

The seventh compares the inanimate and abstract in the period of existence, validity, and function, which I imagine comes into conjunction with definitions two through four. It’s like having two doors, one that slides open with an automatic sensor and one that says “push”. Behind the latter is inunction and the former an ambush. How tempting is it, really, to not have to try? Why not just take the free ride? How fulfilling it is, truly, to afford effort to serve the latter door’s design.

The eighth defines the latter door’s design with a depiction from a real model rather than from the artist’s mind. I wonder, in our creativity how much do we destroy as we continue to deploy our own agenda in life? Aren’t we then to blame when our wills come unfurled? How much control do we have? Is there a such thing as “meant to be?” Aren’t we all always searching for life’s real meaning to define and direct and put our lives in check of perfection? Don’t we suspect there’s some answer on the correction of ill-happenings like cancer, that takes this life thing that we have away? Don’t we yearn for protection at every rejection of treatment of anything that causes life to decay?

Woe is to our dismay, and yet here we sit and we wonder about the meaning of life, and hardly think once, let alone twice, to define and reflect on the Word.

But hey, that’s life.






Prune my shrub, my self, I am so overgrown. Give the dying and withered to my roots for new nourishment alone.

Keep my treasured blooms, a natural bouquet for you.

Pour water to my soil, my soul. In time, I’ll bud, I know; These cuts will heal or bare new stems where, afresh, a rose may grow.


  • (of a person or part of the body) without clothes.
  • (of an object) without the usual covering or protection.
  • (of a tree, plant, or animal) without leaves, hairs, scales, shell, etc.
  • exposed to harm; unprotected or vulnerable.
  • (of something such as feelings or behavior) undisguised; blatant.

{definitions from Google Dictionary}

I want to be vulnerable. See, I ask it of others, and I encourage their truths, but I’m not even sure of my own. I want people to open up and reveal their true selves because I’ve read and I’ve heard from wise speakers that being vulnerable helps. It prevents mid-life crises, and it mends old scars. It prevents vile infections of the depths of our hearts. See, vulnerability is a word that implies some levels of weakness, but like detoxing the body we’ll feel symptoms at first because to have immunity we must give up the falsehood of impunity. All the tar and the toxins and waste in our souls must be dumped out and shed, reprimanded with coals – yes, coals, like the lumps for bad boys and girls on Christmas morning. Did you know that charcoal cleans? It’s a symbol for aborning, yet, so very few people seek this, are willing to sow to reap this cleansing. We want to see others do it and succeed first. We want to make sure that it works. We, yes that’s me too, want to have something to hold above everyone else – before I tell you my secrets I want to be able to extort you.

I’ve decided to change my mind because as humans that something we can do. I want to be a first, to give up my afflictions, make use of my convictions. I invite you to put me up, or down, for your sake – I invite this crucifixion because I’m tired of the restriction of my stubborn pride and my addiction to the contradiction between my inner tears and fears and wears and tears and the outer fiction that is my diction.

I’m not always as brave as I like to say. I don’t adhere to routine because I’m lazy most days. I’m not brazen, nor shy, just wherever in between suits me best. I have talents, but don’t try, and I’ve never studied hard for a test. My all-or-nothing attitude means I give up on a lot because rather than admitting I went too hard, too soon, I convince myself the cause was for naught. Half the time I’m at work, or otherwise spending time that’s not free, I’m on my phone or on Facebook, and find myself scrambling to hide so my boss doesn’t see. I also drink too much coffee, but don’t think that my vulnerabilities are all surface like these.

It took me thirty minutes to find the courage to even share this that you’re seeing because all I could think about is whether or not you people watching would be agreeing. I get caught up in my emotions and wallow in my feelings, and I pity myself for the unpleasant life-dealings that past-me caused me now. I used alcohol and weed to give me everything I need outside of myself, to escape responsibility – no, the guilt of not being responsible, the self-created and given humility. I’ve spat hate in the eyes of my mother, and smothered men with a love only loved by a father. I laid with hypocrisy and judgement like they were my lovers, taunted souls and broken hearts for the sake of my comfort under the covers, then kept and prized all the pieces like ancient potsherd. Through my fear and my pride I’ve perverted, made impure my words, body, thoughts, and actions. I’ve sought out my death by sneaking and lying,  manipulating and prying to have somebody else say what I wanted to be heard. I’ve stolen. I’ve adulterated. I’ve cursed my family’s names more times than I can mention. Continuously I give excuse to my sins because “I have good intentions.”

What’s more though, than even the darkest of my heart, is the light and life I tried to possess and create while I covered my own eyes in the dark. I asked truth to wait, while I picked and prodded around. First with science, I questioned, cause I wanted “proof more sound.” Then through theories I sought, looking in all places for answers and guidance except right where I knew I would find them. I never wanted to call myself a Christian because I didn’t like what a few radical people said and did with that title. I didn’t want people to think that I was one of those people who took the book, the Bible, and shoved it down the throats of anyone who who couldn’t agree because at one point that was me, who couldn’t wholly believe.

So while I write out my truths and before I mention His name – I’m wondering how many of you will turn, now, away. If you haven’t already, then I hope you stay, and I’ll tell you I pray because there’s more on the credibility of vulnerability that I have to say.

The best part for me about my relationship with God is the part that has urged me to share. See, there isn’t a care why you start or where or for what reason, in what season that you choose to share your inner-most thoughts and feelings and opinions on your life-dealings. Just be there. Be here, and know that someone else is, too. Someone wants you. It doesn’t matter how you address Him, though I will say that Jesus, Lord, Father, and Savior are a preference.

If you’re unsure what you think, just dip your toes in and see. Much of what you will read, you already believe. What you’ll read aren’t like fables, like novels and fantasies, they’re truths that ring so true that you’ll grow weak in your knees and they may find the ground and your heart may just seize. It might become hard to breathe as you suddenly see that you aren’t yet the person that you’re meant to be.

You may find yourself wondering how could you please, in all possibilities, some God you can’t see. I’m telling you now, you just have to believe. Everything else comes in time, or so says my expertise.

I tell you from experience that sometimes you have to just start with pretend and sometimes you can’t start until you’ve lost all your friends, until all you have are fiends and you feel like there’s nobody and nothing on which you can truly depend. Sometimes it takes thinking your life is at an end, but I promise you this: the words in the Bible are a helping hand at extend, there to mend and to tend to your broken ways and to wend you new ways so that you may ascend.

While I write forth my efforts to you now, in example and hope that you’re ready, I cannot promise you that my support will always be steady because I have my own baggage, and I still, too often feel that it’s heavy. I’m still learning, like you, to let go and not be afraid; I’m still learning to accept that, for all wrongs, somehow all the debts have been paid. I’m still coming to grips with a God up above, who once became a man to show us the meaning of love. I still can’t fathom, can hardly imagine, most of what is done, but I know and I show with as much vulnerability as I can bare, that when it comes to truth and strength and love, no book and no god can compare.

“Cross my heart

hope to die

stick a needle in my eye.”


Sentient Sentiment

Dear you,

Dear yours,


No sound will peal until you speak the truth.

No sight will appear until you look for light.

No touch will meet until you hold your own.

No taste will feed until your soul is sated.

No smell will scent until your spirit breathes free.


No longer.

Not anymore.

Until then,

You and yours,

Good Sense.



Jessica Birmingham

Let Me

When my fears of life surround me
You say, “Let Me”
When my cares so easily confound me
You say, “Let Me”
When my ways seem so much better
You say, “Let Me”
When I have so many storms to weather
You say, “Let Me”

My daughter I have a plan
Trust me and just take my hand,
I know you can not see
But I am crying out
“Let Me”
I have a plan that is greater
One that will set you free
if you would only trust
I am right here, I am all you need
So please,
“Let Me”

You See, I will not make you,
No, I will not force My way
If you My beloved, truly knew
I love you and I do hear you pray
I will sustain you, I will make you new
So Just let go
“Let Me”

Jessica Birmingham

I Love You

Hello my Precious Daughter,
I want to write this letter to show you what is true- where I was and what I did all the moments of
your life- so that you may know my love, my grace, so that you may know MeI
Love YOU
In the beginning before time began
I Love you
In the very moments you took your first breath
I Love you
In the secret of your tears as you felt misunderstood
I Love you
In the moments of striving for love and you felt no one saw you
I Love you
When you made the wrong – hard decisions
I Love you
When you ignored my nudging
I Love you
When you ran farther and farther from me because you were scared
I Love you
In the very moment you first responded to me
I Love you
On your wedding day when you said “I do”
I Love you
On the day he made you cry
I Love you
When you felt rejected
I Love you
When you saw for the first time what I did for you on the cross
I Love you
As you wrestled to trust me
I Love you
Today in the unknowns and the what if’s- the resting and the peace
I Love you still
So the next time you forget and you wonder how I see you- please know my precious child I
LOVE you more than you could ever know!!
I Love you!!
Let my love overwhelm you and sustain you as you walk this journey I have Called you to! I love
you so much before you ever even knew it!
I Love you!
With unconditional Love,
your Abba Father

Beauty in the Beast

I am an animal.

I learn the tricks and trades,

But quickly revert to habitual instinct,

to my wants I go, astray.


I am a human being.

I learn the tricks and trades,

But  I recognize the truth and

I can make a change.


The habits and instincts

I convert to honest ways.

I use my will to guide my beast.

I will. I do. I pray.


I have heard some say

“My soul is dead,

my spirit is gone –

destroyed by the head.”

But if the body endures,

the heart still beats,

then bloods pours and

the soul indeed goes on.

The spirit lives

with ever a chance

’cause while the body grows old,

decays and molds,

the soul will forever dance.

So as a flame within,

as a flame without.

Give to it a good breath.

You’ll feel it build and brighten,

feel it thrash about,

feel it flare,

suddenly alive. You’ll see

and feel through burning eyes –

so suddenly aware.

Friend and foe

will, like, perceive

the strength of body, heart, and mind.

Altogether, your flame,

your spirit, your soul,

will dance again and thrive.



You & I

By using the word ‘we’:

We eliminate blame

while taking responsibility.

We make personal

while observing objectively.

We acknowledge problems

while creating a solution.

We take a step alone

toward journeying in company.

‘We’ is a tool.


Shall we use it?