I have recently found that, no sooner than I have lifted my finger towards the aid of another, a great deed is done in my favor. I’m unsure if it makes me selfless or selfish, but I do believe I’ll keep on lifting.
John 14:15 “If you love me, you will obey what I command.”
You said- “If you love me you will obey my commands”
Obedience is what you long for
Obedience is what you ask
Your Word says your way is better
But my flesh says,” this is a task”
You warn me of rebellion
You warn me disobedience
You warn me of self reliance
And you know how I can love that “convenience”
You said it will bring destruction
You said It will bring pain
You said It will bring depression
You said It will bring chains
I have gone my own way
I have led my own life
I have demanded my own will
I have forced all my rights
I have seen this bondage
I have lived in those chains
But I now lay them down
I now give You the reins
This scripture I am reading
This path I am receiving
This past I am leaving
Is all pointing the same way:
To love You with all my heart
To be holy
To be set apart
To love as You have loved me
To trust You
And to stay on my knees
To Follow Christ
This requires a sacrifice all my own
Lay aside all the rebellion
Lay aside all the ways I am prone
Follow You without waver
Follow You alone!
To walk in a manner worthy
Worthy of the gospel of Christ
But How can I even begin
to comprehend that sacrifice
The price paid for my sin
The price paid for my soul
And all you ask is I relinquish control
Follow the Spirit
Obey Your Commands
Rest in Your presence
Trust in Your plans
The freedom I have found
In relying on You
The freedom I see
When I trust in The TRUTH
The joy in Your adventures
The joy in Your hands
The joy that is beyond all I can comprehend
This life of surrender
This life of release
This life of freedom
This life of peace
Oh How beautiful are Your ways O Lord
How magnificent are Your plans
When I just lay myself down
And obey Your commands
Forever I will walk
I will trust and rely
Forever I will obey
And I will stay by Your side
You alone are worthy
You alone are true
as long as I am living
I will always follow You
Inspired by a true story.
I am a man, made of wooden beads
held together with string, and a base at my feet.
Beneath my being, is a button to press
that unleashes a tension on the strings in my chest.
When this button is pressed, I grow weak in my knees
I lose all control, I crumble with ease.
I hang upside-down and dangle right there
until the button’s realeased, then I’m back in the air.
I ponder sometimes, am I alone or like you?
Do you have a button, if pressed, breaks you down too?
I again struggle in finding a starting point. I think a part of it is because, well, I never in my twenty-one years imagined that I would be writing anything concerning politics, especially concerning President Trump. The greater aspects of my struggle though, are the innumerous misgivings that I must now not only to recognize, but acknowledge, admit to, and share… with all of you.
I’ll begin by telling that I have frequently been acquainted and associated with difficult men. You know, the ones considered assholes. Cold. Grim. Those that laugh about things that kind of make you want to call the police? Or maybe an asylum? Those men. I’ve always considered myself more than able to deal with them, but I hardly realized until now how many of those dealings were so incredibly miscalculated on my part. Ugh, and in reference to the romantic dealings I’ve had with such men… I-I’m an asshole. There. I said it.
Anywho, I posted on Facebook, about a week ago, asking for people to share with me their thoughts and feelings and memories and any other lovey-dovey-sappy stuff they had to give. I had such high hopes,… and yet no one – not even a family member nor any of my closest friends (eh-hem) – gave me what I asked for. An answer to my call came from a long-time friend of my father’s, a stranger to me, known on Facebook as Harry Von Redpigs. I assumed from first glance that he was yet another big-headed meanie jumping at the opportunity to shove his doctrinated opinions down my neck. When I read his eager comment, I sunk deep down into my chair and let out an exasperated and elongated groan, of displeasure. But! Being the [at times too-] optimistic person that I am, and defiant of failure, I followed suit and was soon discussing politics and good ‘ole President Trump with Mr. Redpigs. With every passing message, I found that I was the one shoving things down my neck – a case also known as foot-in-mouth.
This is what I learned.
Harry was a Green Beret in the U.K. Royal Navy, serving in numerous stations as a trauma medic, countering narcotics and assisting in Hurricane Relief along his way. He, like many other military members have and do, saw staying things. Particular for him was an occurrence in the Al Faw peninsula, amidst Kuwait, Iraq, Iran, and the Persian Gulf. Yikes. Contrary to how our conversation began (regarding Trump), his words turned to short burts when I asked him to share something more personal, which I found telling of the nature of those memories.
“Bit of shooting back and forth… artillary was landing on and around us. Cobra came over and lit up the artillery that was shelling us. All went quiet.”
“Sure you want all the details… ?”
“Next day we walked past it, and there was an arm just laying on the sand, it didn’t look real, I picked it up, looked at it, the neck of the humorous was bright white. Smell of metal in the air.”
“Years and years go by. I’m in Gibraltar. I wake up screaming, convinced the arm was in bed with me. Go to see the CPN. Usual bollocks of: normal reaction to an abnormal situation. So I thought: What does she know!!”
“Anyway, life goes off the rails slightly, drinking etc, back out to Afghan, finally it all gets too much. I end up as an inpatient, as I self refer’d due to recognizing that I wasn’t “right”; complete apathy, no empathy, no sympathy, no joy, no sadness. Just void of any feelings and not the sligtest care about anyone else’s.”
“Honest to the point of rudeness with people. It’s not that I wanted to offend people – just didn’t, still don’t, care if they were or not.”
While I had seen where the story was to climax, and was well-prepared for gore, it was his consideration for me and his self-admission to the hospital that caught me off guard. It was so contrary to the apathetic man he told me of.
“Hence why when I say about Trump being good, I don’t mean he’s good in the true sense of the word.”
“Compartmentalize things is what I do. Life vs. work. Home vs. away. If I need to go away, home gets put in a box. I’ll open it when I’m back. Small things don’t matter as they don’t effect me.”
“It’s not that we want to be rude, or purposefully offend you (you being the wider population) we just don’t care if you get upset as we work in black and white, and more importantly we work in fact and evidence.”
All he had said fell into place, and all the headaches I had had with difficult men, along with all of the bad things I had heard about President Trump, were being flipped upside-down.
“Family pet older than the kids are, how can you just kill it?! Without a thought?! Well. There was a thought. The thought was it suffering. It didn’t deserve that. So I ended it’s suffering. I felt nothing doing it. Felt ok that it wasn’t in pain anymore. Does it make me a bad person? In some eyes probably.”
I began to adore the self-sacrifice I saw. Yeah, these hardened men did and do things that I certainly never would or likely ever will, but their intentions were good, truly, and they were not only knowingly, but willingly taking the brunt of people’s opinions for the better of a situation.
“People are starting to see past click-bait and source their own truth.”
“He’s [Trump] an absolute maniac but he’s good in the long term as people will engage in the political process more and actually pay attention to what the people in power do, and call them out on it.”
“He’s an Arse. A narcissist, borderline xenophobic, borderline racist, borderline sexist. I say borderline as there’s shades of grey with this. He’s an old man, despite what his surgeons may tell him, and not caught with 20th century thinking yet.”
“But….. he’s under the microscope. Both personally and politically.”
“Yes, because they’ll scrutinize him.”
My mind, blown. I, taken aback. My previous beliefs about meanie men, well…. they were no more. I thank Harry Von Redpigs for his courageous and forthcoming words, for everything he gave me in that conversation – namely a bit of shame. Truly, I thank you and all who wear the burden of goodness and leadership for us. Us; the people, the soft-hearted, the self-proclaimed-victims who never can imagine the effects of such bravery. Thank you.
“He’s scrutinised like no other before him and for me that’s amazing, since Bush Jr declared “The War On Terror” its gotten worse. A lot worse. Obama dropped more ordinance than allied forces combined during WW2. Which is crazy! The drone programme was out of control, they were run out of 29 palms and people were on 8 hour shifts, blowing people up. Then going home. Not cool. The suffering in mental health was extreme as the operator had to zoom in on a face… then release their ordinance. Most operators are in their mid 20s. They will suffer for life. Never mind the destruction left behind in Iraq and Afghan.”
“The power of manifestation is so very real.. With love as your intent there is no limitation to the abundance you can create in your life.. Know that all you seek is all ready at work and even in your confusion and feelings of straying from your path.. You are always on your path.. There is never a moment that is given to you without an underlying knowledge to be learned.. Never forget that in each moment you breathe.. It is all part of the divine path..”
When I look into your eyes, something inside of me burns. It is as if I’m a cast, a mold, and that look of yours is a molten rock filling me. SolidIfy your hold, the mold, and plunge me into blue.
This Idol of Mine
Can you please answer me,
I have such a hole inside,
Can you please tell me why
I just want to run and hide..
I have searched high and low,
Most all things I have put out,
I have only kept one thing to show
Only one without a doubt
You see this is very special to me,
One that I hold dear,
One that I run to
When I want to run in fear
I save it for rainy days
even sunny ones will do,
You never know when I might need it
It is not just for when I am blue..
It is my hope, and my comfort
You see, I like it rather a lot
It is there when I need it,
I cling to it probably more than I aught
So please tell me what is wrong..
Oh what is wrong with me,
I have all that I could ask for
I have all that I need
there are many things you have
This is very true
In fact there is one held too tight,
One that is long over due
This thing you are clinging to
when you want to run and hide,
This thing that you are running to
when all along I am by your side
This will not truly satisfy,
This will not fill you up,
This will not direct you
When you have given up
This is the very thing
that is causing your distress,
This is what has caused you
to feel like such a mess
You see all that you hold tightly,
All that you hold true,
Can never replace
The love that I have for you
I created you my child,
I have bought you with a price,
I have designed you for Me
and in fact, I was pretty precise
See, I have this plan to set you free
I have so much in store
But you have to let go of this idol first
You see I have a whole lot more
So lay it down here at My feet
Lay it down for sure,
Lay it here at this alter
This will be your longing cure
Now let My presence be enough,
Let my grace secure,
I will only satisfy
I will surely endure
You see, I never change my child
I AM the first and the last,
I AM the God of all Creation,
I hold the future and the past
This idol that I have carried,
I see the price it has cost,
My Father please forgive me,
Oh how I was so lost
Please take this thing from me,
I want all that you have in store,
Thank you for your loving kindness
I see now YOU are so much more.
I find myself again at Woody Gap – the overlook at which I have spent many a night alone, and many a night in the company of people whom I love. I am unsure why I chose this place, of all, to come and write, and I am likewise unsure of what I came to write about.
I search for something. I feel a longing in my heart that, no matter how I try, I cannot feed. I desire, but also need, something that I cannot even fathom.
I know that it is intangible by name, but can be felt as real as any material thing. Perhaps it is love.
I do so crave a romance, but not like I yearn for this nameless thing. This conceded idea whose identity escapes me, is ever out of my reach, if only slightly. Perhaps it is my purpose.
I pave the way to my future, laying bricks, cementing stone. I enjoy the work and the free-flowing form with which I engrave this path. I look ahead, enough to keep from tripping, and look behind to admire and learn. Perhaps it is the present.
This moment that I am in, and each moment as it comes, then goes, is ever escaping me. Perhaps what I long for, is a moment that lasts. No, not forever, but I pray, dear moment, just linger… a moment longer than the last.
“There is always tomorrow.” – Taylor Wood
“Always think positive.” – Angi Thompson Rathbun
“Gentle response diffuses anger.” – Glorilyn Buster Hobbs
“Embrace your glorious mess.” – Keeli Wood
“Always expect the unexpected.” – Michael James Linsenbach
“Smile. It confuses people.” – Eric Rathbun
“Keep on keepin’ on.” – Scott Busch
“Love yourself.” – Kathy Meyer-Frisbey
“Do you think it;s possible that some people are born to give more love than they will ever get back in return?” – Tyler Knott Gregson
“At first, I thought yes was the answer to this question. However, no sooner than yes came, I then thought that “yes” may not be the best answer. We receive love in so many different ways. And, maybe it’s simply a matter of being more receptive to the many variations of love that are given from so many different people. THEN we realize we are actually loved ten-fold.”